New Goals

Two weekends of moving, a weekend of sickness, and a weekend of traveling by plane and a ten hour car ride. whew.

Change reminds me that things of this earth are fleeting. It reminds me that my Solid Rock can be found in more than one way and, presently, I am trying to figure out what that looks like in my present situation.

Since my work load and required responsibilities have been cut down significantly, I have had the opportunity to ask myself: What do I want out of life? I want to go to grad school, so that's at the top of the list, but what about other things? Crafting? Family? Serving? Investing in friendships? Honestly, I don't really know. I have decided to set weekly goals though to help me be productive--idle hands are not good hands. :)

This week:
-try a new recipe
-do something crafty: finish my soul book, start sanding the lamp, etc.
-hang out with a friend
-study for the GRE

I'm going to keep it simple--I'd hate to overwhelm myself the first week. :)

I'm Back

Why, it has been a while. The discombobulation continued and life has had me in a whirl-wind for a while. But I feel the need to come back. I want to have a space to express creativity and to simply be cathartic. I'm not sure what that will look like. My life is changing though. God is taking me on a new journey and I'm ready to see where it leads. I'm anxious and excited. I'm ready and I'm scared.

But I'm clinging to His promises.

He will never leave or forsake me.

He will always be with me.

He is trustworthy and true.

Thank you, Jesus.

The Puzzle

This phase of my life could probably best be summed up in one word:

discombobulated: to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate

I would say a large portion of this is that I had huge expectations for post-grad. Now, your next question is "What were those expectations?" I don't know how many college students you've met, but 97% of them have no idea what they want... I was part of that 97%.


If you can't change your circumstance, change your attitude. Another one liner of advice that I did not appreciate hearing from my mother. However, she is right (I feel like the older I get the more I say that). 


And amidst a million bi-polar prayers to God, I've come up with this cool analogy for my life. The puzzle: 


When you first dump a puzzle out of the box, there are about 1,000 pieces laying all over the table. Some face up; some face down; sometimes you have the lucky few that are still stuck together. Even as you begin to turn the pieces over, the table is still discombobulated. The pieces themselves make very little sense. If it's a 1,000 piece puzzle, you wonder, are these pieces for sure going to fit together? What if a piece was left out? And sometimes when you pick up a piece, you think surely this piece does not go to this puzzle. At this point, the puzzle is not that beautiful and you look at it knowing there is hours of patience ahead of you.


Are you following yet? 


My life is laying before me in a million pieces. I know that these pieces will fit together to make a beautiful picture... they've got to because the artist of my puzzle is my Heavenly Father. But right now, as they are laying there, making little to no sense, I doubt. I see that a few pieces are together. Some I have put together, others someone has come along and helped, others are in the where could this piece possibly go? pile. Deep in my heart I know it will come together. I know at the end of this, there will be a beautiful picture. A picture, in which people will look and say the Artist is incredible. They might say a thing or two about the work to put the picture together, but even that work was done for the glory of the Artist. 


I want the Artist to have the glory in this. I want to wait as the pieces come together in the right time. All for Him...

Sleepless Nights

You ever go through weeks where you wake up for hours at a time for no reason at all?

I do.

Then I end up a sobbing mess, irrational and irritable. It's a nasty cycle and after I sleep I look back and laugh because I know I was irrational and irritable.

I love emotions... and sarcasm.

A Week of Milestones

Ok, so most events this week aren't technically milestone worthy. Quite the contrary actually... They're just ordinary events; however, they are huge steps in my current journey.

1. I turned 23.
You would think that the optimist in me would look forward to and thoroughly enjoy such an event. I often dread my birthday. It's right after Christmas and most times just blends into the hub-bub of the season's events. Not that that's a bad thing... life isn't about me after all. But this year I was particularly dreading it. The majority of my close friends and family do not live in the area. Quality time is one of my top love languages. You do the math.
However, for whatever reason... probably just to teach me a lesson about my pessimistic attitude, the Lord blessed me above and beyond my imagination. Go figure. He has a tendency to do that. :) Lots of phone calls, surprise gifts, and even flowers from a dear friend. I had prayed for flowers... why? They're just pretty. It was just one of those things... and the Lord used my friend to send me flowers. I cried...

2. I went to a church event by myself.
I'm a baby. I like people and I strongly dislike going to things like this alone. However, I had several friends asking me about it. I had to. And I met a new friend and made an acquaintance a friend. THEN.... here's the big one... I committed to being a member at the church. And I stood in front of the entire congregation.
This is a huge deal. Why? I have this disease... it's called Cherry Red Face. It's what happens whenever I stand in front of lots of people. Even people I like. And the more I feel my face redden, the redder I turn. It's a vicious cycle and I just wish someone would throw baby powder in my face to counteract the situation. Alas, I made it. I did it.

I conquered two fears this week. I'm on my way to community. Fist pumps and leg kicks for that. Fo sho.

Bringin in the New Year

What a New Year. For the past oh... 10 years or so, I've spent New Years in Kansas City with some of the loveliest people I know.

The Lovelies :) I'm not quite sure this is actually from a New Year's Party

.

Life changes so quickly. I always have plans and the Lord always reminds me that I am here to glorify Him--to love Him and His people. I am so reminded of that this New Year's. It is with different people, but I still had a grand time. I was reminded that He is good. He is loving. He has great plans for us. He provides in the past and will continue to do so, even when it doesn't look like what I want it to look like.

I found this quote in a blog that I often read:
"I only know that God is with us, and it’s never what we think, and that things will fall apart, and that even then, especially then, it’s ok."

It's always okay because He is always there. Thank you Jesus.

Soon I'll post resolutions. I've been thinking about them quite a bit. :)

It's the small things

Have you ever noticed that it's always the small things?

It's the small things that will throw you head over heels into a frenzy about a bad day, week, month, or year. It's the build up of things that don't really matter, but somehow gain the most space in your mind and heart. Then you're bitter, anxious, and frustrated with life.

Have you also noticed that the happiest people... the ones filled with the most joy are the ones who find joy in the small things? They are the ones that get high, so to speak, off things like a smile from a stranger, a good joke, the sun shining on a particular day. They count those things and even when they are few and far between, they allow them to fuel a life full of joy and excitement.

I would dare say that maybe we are far to quick to count the small things that get us in a frenzy and forget to count the things that bring us joy. Or maybe, this was just my daily conviction and I'm the only one who suffers from this syndrome. Some days I wait for the big things... the things that will "change my life forever" to bring me happiness for the day or make up for the accounted bad moments. I don't count the beautiful sunrise I see every morning. The hugs I get from the kiddos. The moment that the Lord humbled my heart and said, "Dear Child, listen right now... do you hear that? It's my heartbeat for you."

I want the small things to bring me joy. I already have the JOY... the Joy that came to give me hope and a future. But I don't want the other small things to steal it away.